Once again, he got a great job, he came home telling me he loved his job,
it was a total God given job, i could see Gods work in the whole thing,
and, after getting his training done, his shots, and his keys. Plus praise from his bosses. He took off on a binge, and screwed up big time.
DUI bad checks, the whole lot.
Humiliation was my feeling, knowing he had screwed up and basically slapped God, his boss, me, in the face once again.
I just felt dead inside, no anger, no pain, no emotions.
My friends thougth i was at peace.....
was it peace, or just plain being worn out, tired of trying...
He came home, I told him he was leaving, and if he didn't want to live on the streets again, he was going to the state hospital.
Which, is where he is now, but, I will not allow him to come back here
until he has proven himself.
I just cannot take it any longer,
I know, I should have sent him packing along time ago, but,
God ALWAYS closed doors, and, gave me mercy for hm, and each time he has gotten worse, each time racking up bigger bills, etc...
Now....most of my friends don't believe that, they think I was just totally being an enabler. Most probably so, but, in my heart of hearts, God would not allow me to give up on him. I still have not given up on him, I KNOW MY GOD IS BIG ENOUGH TO HEAL HIM...
Why is it, that no one else seems to stand with me?
Here I am in the middle of Bible Belt USA and no one can see how God is working and getting my faith built, and allowing him to become broken.
Unless a spirit has been broken, it is unyielding to the Holy Spirt.
Jesus, my Lord, Please make me a part of the solution
not a part of the problem.
I REFUSE TO GIVE UP....
Lord you made me stubborn, you made me put my feet to the ground and stand my ground. It was the only way I ever got anything I really wanted.
of course, now, people see me as spoiled, and most of my adopted relatives don't give a cow about me.
I am alone here, one or two who really know my heart.
I just want to make a difference in someones life....
but most people don't even know I'm alive...
When I was adopted in 1952, they thought i died...
so, its fitting that i have lived my life as an alien amongst strangers
I have made a quiet landing...just hoping to figure out how to live the rest of my life with out falling off the cliff, hanging on to one knot at a time......
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thursday, November 01, 2007
We sold our dream
He was on one of his binge drunks, I prayed out to the Lord if he wanted me to get from under the stress of the BBQ for HIM to send a buyer for the BBQ.
We had no income for that week, and he finally got home from his drunk, and
I told him we needed to set up to sell BBQ that night.
We sat up at 4:30 as usual, and, was NOT busy, which was a first.
By 6:00 we were wondering where all our customers were.
At 6:30 a young couple and three little girls came up and ordered hot dogs.
Then, she came with a cell phone asking me to talk to Divina, who is our neighbor. I picked up the phone, and it was Divina, asking if the couple could look inside the BBQ Van, they were wanting to build one like ours to sell beans and tacos out of.
After talking for a short while, I asked if they wanted to buy this one, remembering the prayer I had just prayed earlier that week.
He said "how much" I told him 15,000. He said he was interested and would be back to look on Saturday.
Saturday came, and he actually showed back up, and, had his brother inlaw with him. He saw we were busy so asked if I would call him when it was time to close down so he could come back and look some more.
They showed up at 5:30 and left with a hand shake and a deal of paying cash, $12,500 for the BBQ Van!
WAS THAT A GOD THING OR WHAT!!!
We were under the impression they wanted to keep the BBQ and our name, etc
but, have now totally turned it into a taco wagon...
Our dream, is gone.
BUT GOD sent a buyer, it was so awesome!!
We sent out a note to all of our loyal "Booser Fans" and only one sent any response saying they were sad to see us sell. That was so devistating, do people not even care about anything anylonger? Guess we sold at the right time, if business was going to drop dead....
We at least sold it, didnt loose it like our first BBQ, that killed us emotionally.
IT shocked my partner into stop drinking!
or, at least out of his binge, he has been to detox, we went on a vacation to Missouri with hopes to move there.
The cost of living is so much less, but the wages are SO MUCH LOWER too.
Being scared is not something I am thrilled of feeling, one thing I have learned living on the edge has become the only way i have lived for 7 years. I dont want to live like that anylonger, but, going to Missouri for $6.50 an hour would totally SUCK!
Altho, my sister and her husband have asked us to bring our BBQ down there!
and, now we have no BBQ VAN!
Since the vacation, my first in 4 years...
We have the desire to move out of state, to start totally over, but....
not knowing about any real jobs down there, is the scarey part.
Do we step out in total faith, or, is my "maturity" finally kicking in...
I used to jump on the chance to move, and start over, but.....
When ever i have had a vision, and put it into motion quickly, but I have never succeeded financially. Always had great success in putting it together, but, never being able to make money to live on. SO WHAT AM I MISSING HERE?
We had no income for that week, and he finally got home from his drunk, and
I told him we needed to set up to sell BBQ that night.
We sat up at 4:30 as usual, and, was NOT busy, which was a first.
By 6:00 we were wondering where all our customers were.
At 6:30 a young couple and three little girls came up and ordered hot dogs.
Then, she came with a cell phone asking me to talk to Divina, who is our neighbor. I picked up the phone, and it was Divina, asking if the couple could look inside the BBQ Van, they were wanting to build one like ours to sell beans and tacos out of.
After talking for a short while, I asked if they wanted to buy this one, remembering the prayer I had just prayed earlier that week.
He said "how much" I told him 15,000. He said he was interested and would be back to look on Saturday.
Saturday came, and he actually showed back up, and, had his brother inlaw with him. He saw we were busy so asked if I would call him when it was time to close down so he could come back and look some more.
They showed up at 5:30 and left with a hand shake and a deal of paying cash, $12,500 for the BBQ Van!
WAS THAT A GOD THING OR WHAT!!!
We were under the impression they wanted to keep the BBQ and our name, etc
but, have now totally turned it into a taco wagon...
Our dream, is gone.
BUT GOD sent a buyer, it was so awesome!!
We sent out a note to all of our loyal "Booser Fans" and only one sent any response saying they were sad to see us sell. That was so devistating, do people not even care about anything anylonger? Guess we sold at the right time, if business was going to drop dead....
We at least sold it, didnt loose it like our first BBQ, that killed us emotionally.
IT shocked my partner into stop drinking!
or, at least out of his binge, he has been to detox, we went on a vacation to Missouri with hopes to move there.
The cost of living is so much less, but the wages are SO MUCH LOWER too.
Being scared is not something I am thrilled of feeling, one thing I have learned living on the edge has become the only way i have lived for 7 years. I dont want to live like that anylonger, but, going to Missouri for $6.50 an hour would totally SUCK!
Altho, my sister and her husband have asked us to bring our BBQ down there!
and, now we have no BBQ VAN!
Since the vacation, my first in 4 years...
We have the desire to move out of state, to start totally over, but....
not knowing about any real jobs down there, is the scarey part.
Do we step out in total faith, or, is my "maturity" finally kicking in...
I used to jump on the chance to move, and start over, but.....
When ever i have had a vision, and put it into motion quickly, but I have never succeeded financially. Always had great success in putting it together, but, never being able to make money to live on. SO WHAT AM I MISSING HERE?
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