Mother

When I was small you were there to tell me to stand tall
As I grew you asked me to stay small

As life went on we separated our paths
I wish I could go back and say
Thank you for all you gave to me
Those days are gone
as the shadows grow dim
life is shorter than I expected
One day, you were gone
Now, I wish, I could say so many things
When you left, I had so many regrets
Life is so short, there never was enough time
to do the things you wanted, I always had to run.

Mother Forgive me for not being there on that day
that you so gleefully went walking
to the light and then left daddy and me.

Its been 10 years since the day you left us, last night I had a dream of all the pain I have had since you have passed
and, how much I have missed you but was never able to tell you.
Mother I wish, I would have loved you more
I wish I would have given you more of me
I wish I wouldn't have resented your over powering hold, the over protectiveness you held over me
I wish I could talk to you about my biomother, the one who gave me to you
So many questions, and now, no one to ever give the answers.
Mommy, I miss you
I wish I could go back
I wish I could be that little girl you wanted so badly, but I never wanted to be
I can only imagine, you wanting a baby so badly
You gave me the best you knew how, but, never understood what I needed, not the material stuff, but the inner relationship between mother and child, the bonding, the touching, the discipline...

I rebelled and ran from you, not sharing my feelings and tears
Knowing you would only want to fix it, and not be able to do so
Oh mother, as I grew and you knew I was leaving
your hold started to let go

We never became friends, and now, I resent that I never got to know you

I am sorry mother, I wish I could go back, and do things differently
but, as they say, we cannot go back and fix, only live forward and do.

As my own daughter rejects me, as I have rejected you, she too has passed on the seed to her daughter, my own granddaughter who really doesn't accept me.

I can only live in today, and find the little things to be thankful for
and not live in sef-pity

I wish I could bring you some flowers today, and tell you Happy Mothers day and give you a kiss, and just sit and talk....I miss you mother....

I am sorry
I am sorry
I am SORRY
Please forgive me