It has been along three weeks.

My partner left on the 21st of March, I had looked forward to him leaving so I would not have to baby sit for him anylonger, and, be able to "relate" to the ex....all the while, thinking it was because Partner was in the house that the ex would not talk to me.....but....found out, he just really hates being in the same house as me. He has not worked for 4 weeks now, and, been home only one or two days during any given week.
The one week he stayed home for 2-3 days, it takes him 3 days to become human again. We have shared a few crumbs of niceness between each other, but, I know its not enough to want it to be more for him I guess.
I get so angry at myself because I try so hard to get his attention, and all I do is become desperate, and push him further away.....
What is wrong with me?

Why is it so difficult to make friends with the males in my life?
As long as I gave sex, they had interest, but they gave nothing to keep the sex life exciting, so, I lost interest. Loosing interest, gave way to complacency, in my own actions, and believes.

I have forgiven them over and over for the way they have rejected me, and have asked for their forgiveness.....but they NEVER ask for mine!

So, its time to move on... a new chapter in my life without the two men who have hurt me so much. Actually Three....or....Four....if i go back to the beginning, it was my father who ultimatly hurt me....
but yeat i only have foundness for my daddy....

but why...do i have such a bad emotional being....such bad relationships....

why cant i relate......


I want to hate them so much, but....i cant.....why not.....

and why......

Partner is gone....we can only talk on phone once a week, and text once in a while. I miss him terribly, but If i talk to him more than a once a week....we will not stick with our plan of being apart a year, and alowing us both healing.

Things are so much more strange with the ex now, and I would honestly never recomend anyone living wiht their ex...its just too difficult to face the failure of marriage everyday...the desire of wishing it was still workable....
the pain of knowing its over, but having to be with him when he is around, and when he is not around the apain of knowing he wants to be with others....and not me....