does anyone else have problems with blog?

(my blog doesnt seem to publish the whole thing anymore not sure what is going on?) this is the bottom of the "Soul" post


We visited an awesome church on Sunday, The Journey, and, it was so right on with where Im at emotionally, I wont be able to go for the next two Sundays because of commitments in other directions, but, hopefully, I can get plugged in there, with Partner leaving, I will go frickin nuts in this town alone!
I went to Bible study last night, with several women in the next town over, the yuppie snobby type of town, a town which is so "religious" and clique-ish. When I walked into the house, they seemed nice enough, the lady I had talked to at church on Sunday was there, I went and sat beside her, she didn't say a word to me. Sunday I tried to talk to her, and ask questions, get to know her, but, after small talk she walked away, and, never said another word to me.....So....going to Bible study with these people will be a challenge, but the name of the study is "Walking by Faith out of the dark" boy have I and am I there! SO I HAVE TO GO....
one of the first things I have to do is ask God to help me get past the inferior feelings I feel being in that group of women.

It doesnt help that I lived in my dream home, 2 miles from that town, 12 years ago, and was happy, living with my love of my life, my three foster kids, and, life was good.....then, we took that dreadful turn, and moved to the country, to raise EMU's, and....lost...everything...every penny, our love for each other, his drug involvement, I had to give up my foster kids, my moms accident, then, pending divorce...so much has happened in those 12 years, and, now, i have to drive past that house...every time I go to the Bible study....and...the church where we visited, happens to be the church where I got married 22 years ago!
Oh the flood of emotions that hit me that day at church I was not expecting...

Lord if I can ask for one thing, please give me strength, Im not feeling very strong right now....
it hurts so much.....


my head is pounding, my heart is racing, my soul is dying....
but...when I think of the pain Jesus went thru when he carried that cross up the hillside, then the pain of the nails going thru his flesh, and his body.... we will never know the cost of the cross....oh Jesus, my pain is nothing to compare to yours....