Im not a charity case!

Altho I have hoped to receive some help, from SOMEONE, im not a CHARITY CASE!!!!

I have paid in every way possible, havent i?

I have gotten fucked over and over, and didnt even get to enjoy it! nor a KISS!

Im just tired and cranky, tomorrow will be better, wont it?
That is what they always say.....look to tomrrow, things will be better...
ok....i guess, I keep hoping for the better, but, somehow cant seem to see each step as a "reward" for waiting and hoping...

How do we hang in there, when there are very few knots to hang on to???

Im just ready for something better to happen....for a new start...one that will be "better" than what I have had....I just hope I was thankfull enough for the few blessings I can see, so far....im still trying to find the blessings in my life, I have been so fucking torn up starting over every 12-24 months, i havent had time to look and see, its like hanging in there for dear life as i go around curves and the wind brushes past my face so fast I cant see where im going....
then, when things stop, I say WHERE THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN?

Im so fucking messed UP.....

and just cant make sence of anything....no one can stay long enough to help me walk thru it.

My travel bud, is the closest thing I have ever had for a best friend for as long as I have had, but, she never reciprocates my love and affection, she very seldom calls me, and almost never answers my emails....i have to make the first moves...

How do I keep on going?
I dont know.....Im really wanting to quit, but, cant....
quitting isnt an option....
I didnt quit, they evicted me!
I gave it my all, every piece of my energy, every penny, and every piece of love I could muster, Im done, I dont have anything else to give, im done!