Life in Kansasgals head

I dont get much email anymore, and, havent been sending out much
seems after i sent email to people asking to change my address, or, after i told them we closed the bbq, they quit writing,
so, i sit watch tv, work on house, try to figure out how to live in newton and not go totally nuts....or, die first!
I cant go to florida with Rob, its too far, and i wont go that far with him as long as he is drinking...
he cant quit here, i dont know what makes me think he will quit there, and, i dont see him making it in florida alone...
obviously, he doesnt care if im out of the picture, this morning he was all for going alone to florida, knowing his drinking will get in the way if he doesnt stop....what does he do tonight? drink a case....
sounds like a fucking plan to me doesnt it to you
I cant deal with him, and have told him, i wont go to florida, or missouir with him, since he prefers to be drunk instead of living life, i dont intend on living my life sitting at home watching tv day in and day out because he has to be home getting drunk.
Newton has nothing we like to do so we sit at home.
I just got done ranting and raving my heart out to him, telling him the reason i want to leave newton is because people are always telling me im wrong, no one ever encourages me to do well, they sit back and watch me distroy my life, telling me to get rid of rob, but, not being there for me if i do.
I have st ood up for him telling them he is a wonderful man, he has treated me great except when he gets drunk ,then he treats me worse than anyone ever has....
I know they would not be there for me if he did leave. I know, they werent there for me when i left mark, and they had encouraged me to stay with him.
Now, he is upset because people know he is a drunk....like he actually thought he had hid it that well?
GEEEZ!@!@#(&$(*@)

I ordered a little mini cam, its supposed to make little mpg movies....oh will he be surprised!
I really think if he could see himself as a drunk he would clean up real fast, its my last hope....if that doesnt work, then he is forsure gone...
Peggy, I have loved him as much as i can, i have given him everything i know to give,but he wants more, he wants different, always allows me to feel guilty for not loosing weight by saying things like, i have a fat womans complex, that i feel so inferiour because of my weight, and that i would have more friends if i wasnt fat!if they cant like me the way i am FUCK ALL OF THEM!

I have never fit into the round hole, being the square peg, but, actually, i think this town is a town full of dead people...who are too afraid to live, because living means having some immoralities in your life...
i cant imagine going thru life, being on that fucking farm, day in and day out, for over 35 years!
watching tv, working everyday, and never going anywhere ......
except, now, with his wife, he learned to take vacations, after ME!!!!!
because I told him that was one reason I was leaving him, because he never wanted to go anywhere on a vacation except Tractor pulling (boy that was real fun!)
the only fun i had was playing lust tag with one of the other tractor pullers, and getting drunk!

I hated sitting in the dirt, getting sunburned every weekend!
My life has been hell, but, at least i have had experiences....i have had some fun, some things i shouldnt have done, and sold my soul,