waves taking me clear out there......

I cant say that Rick was ever a bad husband he just didnt know how to be a GREAT one...
even now, we talk, when we are all together as "family" for Briana's functions she invites us to, and they have come to some of our BBQ functions like steak night etc....our relationship is the same now as it was then, only difference, he goes home to his big fat blonde wife instead of me.....she is a natural blonde, and, when we got divorced he thru it at me that he should have known i wasnt what he wanted in a wife when he found out I colored my hair!
(I had always been a blonde until highschool, my hair turned dark, so, i bleached it...) HE didnt know till we had been married two years! I didnt even think about it being a problem! till he turned on me with his remark....
but he has a real blonde now.....
she is a really nice person,(now) but, was told by one of his tractor pulling buddies, he sure didnt see what Rick saw in her she sure wasnt eye candy!
When they got together she was the bitch from hell, and, I will always be sorry my kids had to go thru that.....she said in front of the kids (10 & 6) Im getting a tubaligation we have two too many brats in this house the way it is!!!!
she proceded to get rid of all of my kids toys, and baby furniture, etc....with out asking them!
It was several years after the fact that my daughter told me all of that....i felt so bad for my kids....
then, my kids had to grow up with a drunk passing out on the front room floor....never wanting to bring their friends home....
Briana told me yesterday she will not let jessica stay all night, nor will Jessica ever come to missouri to stay a week if Rob is in my life.....as long as he is drinking....
so......I wont ever tell that to rob, and please dont mention it to him....
I chose Mark *My second * over what Briana said as a 10 year old(mom please dont marry mark he is an asshole) coming from her, I should have listened, she has amazing wisdom, even as a child she knew clear passages.....
I on the other hand always take the more adventuresome roads....haha....
she likes safety.....being grounded in a good church....which she found when she was living in Wichita, alone and lonely....Im glad for that, but, she sure changed personality, from being care free and fun, to being a stiff necked stuffy religious morality checking Christian.
Not that I Love her anyless, she just isnt as much fun!!!!
She did tell me yesterday she admires me for my sence of adventure, but, "mom, your getting too old for that lifestyle" I know she is right, i need to find a decent job and get some social security built up, but, shit......nothing ever works out for me!
SO...i just keep riding the waves.....only thing is, the waves are taking me out to pretty deep waters anymore.....pretty soon there wont be any turning back....