living what we learned

I finally realize something today
Partner is living out what he knows, what he learned from his sick dad, and its making us both sick.
He learned to not want to work because no job was ever good enough for his dad, so, his mom had to be the soul supplier for their family of 9 kids and 2 parents!
In the days of no welfare, she worked night shift cooking at a supper club and brining home the left overs to feed her family. Partner was the "responsible" one who had to make sure his brothers and sisters had food to eat for supper, had to make sure they stayed quiet enough outside while their mom and dad had a romp in the sack all day on Saturdays, and took the brunt of his dads anger in life. Now, Im trying to keep him supplied, and taken care of, instead of him trying to keep me secure and taken care of....
I lived with security and love from my parents and they gave me everything, except allowing me to learn how to make decisions, how to make a living and how to be independent.
I dont know how to do any of these things, and, I have expected him to take care of me, but he cant even take care of himself, so why would he take care of me? He has never taken care of anyone except himself. HE cant even give me a back rub, when I tell him it feels good he right away quits.
I have lost faith that things will ever get better, I just dont know how to make it stop.
I dont have the guts to kick him out, and I dont have the guts to keep going on this route....