cant even remember

I cant even remember what I write from time to time, life has taken on such a nul and void exisitence.
I love to read the postings on postsecrets it is so deep, and so many hurting people have sent in their secrets.

I have wondered what my secret would be, my whole life has been a secret, so, how would i put it down on just one little post card?

no one knew about me when I was born, except my mother. Her husband at the time didnt want to know about me because I wasnt his.....so...she gave me up for adoption. Her mother didnt even know she was pregnant....when I asked her sisters how that could be, they said, "because we werent a close family" We didnt see each other much. But, my mother lived only a short ways from her mother....like just maybe across town....
My bio mother died when she was 35, and had already had 7-8 kids...maybe more...who knows....
Her life was a tragic one, with so much pain, but, yet, no one can really tells us about it, everyone is either dead, or, wanted to keep the secrets.....
"its better to keep those things quiet" was what her sister told me when I found her and asked questions.
Now she is dead too, so, those secrets went to the grave.
She did tell me that my mother was pregnant with the same person she was pregnant with at the same time, but she had an abortion, but she wouldnt tell me who my BIO father was.
My uncle told me if he had the chance he would shoot my BIO father for what he did to my mom, guess he wasnt happy I was born huh....
but he wouldnt tell me what he did, other than give me life....

Being adopted I had always been told I was special, so, I guess I believed my adoptive mom when she told me I was special.
Being born on 7752, I always thought that meant something....special....
so, figured my 52 birthday year would be special, but it wsa HELL ....so.....now I have to hope my 53 year starts something special, cuz, I sure dont want more hell.......

At least I got a hurricane named after me....well, she didnt get full steam, so, she only ended up being
a tropical storm, but it had my name.....CINDY......I think I said that yesterday tho didnt i....
am I loosing it or what?