Life in Kansasgals head

I had finally found someone i could relate to and hold on a conversation with, and now, he is being taken away!
WHYYYYYYYYYY???????????????????????????????


I swear on the stack of bibles we are not to swear on, that, everyone in my life I have ever had any type of connection with, is always taken away.

And why?
Am I that bad of a person I cant develop friendships and recieve a little respect for having an opinion other than what goes with theirs?

I know Im put with Rob for a reason, I know God sent him to me, I prayed, and, god delivered.
He isnt the person I had asked for, but he has been the helpmate I asked for.
I didnt ask God specifically for a lover, a helpmate, and believer.
I asked God for someone who could help me with the restraunt in HArper, and Rob was sent.
Rob was almost overdosed on drugs, and, when he needed a place to live, I offered it to him in return for help.

Was I wrong in offering a place to live?
it says, in the bible to do so right?

But, I have been told by my best friend, I opend the door to the devil and that is why my life has been hell.

There are lessons God teaches us thru every event in our life, and I truly believe I have been taught so many lessons in my 52 years, but, have not had one person to be able to sit and talk to me about them, only judgements heaped over my head, and, condemnation for being "open" to the devil.

Jesus had to decend to hell to be lifted up to Heaven.
Dont we all have to decend to hell to learn what God has in store for us?

I know Im in the biggest pit hole of my life, everything I have ever believed in and trusted is being tested, and, I have NO ONE TO TALK IT OVER WITH!!!!

They make me feel like Im being self pitying by trying to talk about my problems, they never come to me with their problems,
and I almost have to beg for companionship.
Im just so tired of trying.

I know you probably got tired of hearing me rant and rave maybe that is why you got sick? of me?
but, If I cant talk to someone, Im going to explode!!!!
I tell God everything! but, I never hear him, nor see him, nor feel him. I know he is there only because people tell me he is, I HAVE NEVER had my yes Jesus is Here moment in life!
I was 10 years old when I got baptised.
I knew I wanted to know Jesus and went forward before the church asking to be baptised. They had a class for the kids to take, but, I didnt want to take the class, I just wanted to know Jesus!!!!
maybe that was wrong, maybe I lost my knowledge but, I knew Jesus all I had to do was KNOW HIM!!!!
Does that make sense?
I have tried to tell people here my problems, but, they all walk away from me.
Im sorry Im ranting tonight, just really fed up with life!