no focus

I guess when the Bible says, you recieve not because you ask not, it means you dont ask specifically for something so why would you recieve it?

I always thought asking for a way to make a living was a correct thing to ask for, seeing my business meant everything to me, why did it go under?
Why did everything go against me?
Why did my business not take off and make a living for me...for him...my partner....it was our child, it was our baby, it was our common goal..now, we have nothing.
What will keep us together?
How can we become focused on finding our goal again?

We cant even communicate any more, altho, now that he isnt drinking much again, maybe I have one more chance.
It seems when he drinks too much, we end up fighting and then I just want him to leave....
when he doesnt drink so much, we have nothing in common to talk about so we wend up not communicating...
His brother is still living with us, and it is making me totally crazy!
He wont talk, he dodges to the back porch when I walk into the room, and, he makes me feel totally unwanted...
I know it is his mental illness but, I CANT DEAL WITH THE REJECTION!!!!
All my life I have been rejected, and made to feel as tho Im not worthy of a persons attention, why should this make any difference?

Why do I feel so rejected by two men who only see me as a place to stay.....
im just their door mat...the only way they have ever seen a woman....
Each marriage has put me into deeper and deeper depression, each one making me feel like im nothing, each time they took from me what they wanted and cared to give me nothing in return...
my first at least had a mother who loved me and wanted to teach me, but, I didnt reallize that at the time, till she was taken out of my life....in the car wreck....
she taught me to cook, she taught me to love my kids in a way i never really had....
she showed me how to be a farmers wife, altho, i hated it....

my second mother inlaw was hatefull, and spitefull, and didnt like me from the start...
why?
what did i ever do to her, except try to help her son whom she rejected, and pushed away...
I helped him find his dad, helped him find some of his past....and his inheritance....
which lasted 4 years, and it was GONE.....

now, i have no mom, no mother inlaw, no mentor....
i have to find my way myself....
there is no one who chooses to show me...i have begged, pleaded, and prayed....there is no help for me....