the end of a perfect christmas vacation

well, Christmas is over...
boy did it come fast for you too?
I cannot believe it has come and gone, and,
we in Kansas actually had a white Christmas!
its been years since we have had actual snow to enjoy over the Christmas vacation.
We took Jessica to the "hill" in town, built (pile of dirt) at the local park, so when we did actually have a snow we could go enjoy sledding...instead of sliding down the entrance ramps of 1-35!!
or being pulled behind a tractor on snow skies pulled by a ski rope.....oh what fun!!

there were not many people out there, I think people have forgotten the joys of sledding...
Jessica had my old sled from the 50's, and she out slid those kids on the new fangled saucers, and tubes. In fact she sat down, rob pushed her, and I looked up only to see her coming straight for me, and 2 other people right behind me
I turned around and said," MOVE MOVE GET OUT OF THE WAY"....We all jumped out of the way, and she went air bound over one of the plastic tabogans...it was hillarious, just like something in a movie...we all just stood their and died laughing.....
(all except the guy I was yelling at, he looked at me like, "Lady why are you yelling at me?")
She landed and said, "Wow lets do that again"

Reminds me of the day I was riding my 125 Honda around the curve in Missouri, and I missed the curve, ended up going about 50 feet into some-ones yard...getting stopped about 2 ft from a trailer house. My (Briana) 3 year old sits calmly on the front of my bike and said "Wow mom do dat again"
As my heart pounded through my chest, I laughed until I cried realializing & knowing I could have killed my child...

BUT....all three of us have a sense of adventure.... :)
now, its GREAT to know my granddaughter is going to have one....YEHA...only hope I can help her go less painful paths.......and make it further than I did...before falling oft to painville....(getin old is for the birds!)

here's to my 7 year old adventurist....


Sunday ends the vacation with a dinner at the "Budde's" I was actually invited so ought to go..

Robs sister asked him to come help her with putting a stair case in her new home, since he owes her big bucks...I will take him up there on new years eve, to look at the place, and give her an idea how much it is going to cost.
We don't know yet, about his homeless shelter program, since the court date seems to be in limbo.
I thought we had it all figured out but, I guess God has other plans, I just hope we make the right choices, we have seemed to make so many wrong ones over the years....Living by faith over the years, not worrying about the consequences seemed a lot easier....took us down some wild roads, and gave us a lot of challenges...
now...asking for help spiritually, and, not really knowing if we are asking for God's will, or our own....is the challenge...
and waiting for his answers is teaching patience
seeking his wisdom, not really sure how to do this, for, reading His word doesn't always speak to Rob or I....is this because we have not been selected to receive, or be blessed with God's Word, or just don't read enough, it just seems so difficult to understand.....plus, I know....its a very big lack of discipline our own fleshly parts...(how does one get this?) I say I want to know the lord but, something keeps me out of the word....

Shes coming back

Depression....the one that seems to know me best. It would be fitting to name her I guess? Depre' she is now named, and from now on will be known as Depre'. I have fought with her as long as I can remember, and to go back and figure out when she first started visiting me the best i can do is.....ALL OF MY LIFE. If I were to go thru therapy regression as they call it, I think, the day my bio mother held me, said good bye to me, kissed me and said "I will always love you but I cannot take you home with me" Depre' latched on to me and has never let go. My earliest memories of being depressed were the rejection of so called friends in our little home town of Potwin KS. Unknown to me at the time, everyone else was related to each other, and I was the outsider.
Not knowing that, made it hard to understand why the kids had birthday parties and didnt invite me. Why they all went to the same church, and all had so much fun together. Why the kids at the end of the block all played together and very seldomly invited me to come join them. Other than the fact that, when I would go into the house to my bedroom and stay there all day....not wanting to tell my adoptive mom why I was in my bedroom. She always wanted to go fix everything. I became embarressed when she would go out and yell at the kids
so, it was just easier to go to my room, and stay there. I remember crying alot....wishing I werent alone. KNowing I had brothers and sisters out there somewhere didnt help me much, it just made me want to know where they were.
Being alone, one would think I would have developed my imagination.
I remember laying in bed, looking at the light fixture, it had a design something like a lymbryth. I remember following the lines, hopeing it would take me to the place.....
Its time to go to work....the place....for now....