This is written by my friend from Sweden....its very resonating to my soul!!!
I know I used that word earlier but, wow twice in one day:)
I have been blessed!!
http://WWW.feelingdictionary.Com/article.htm
" love your self as tho you were your child
give your self listening, mirroring tenderness love, and patience
the presence you would have if you were not so afraid."
Book Launch Of Water Lilies and Warm Hearts
http://WWW.youtube.Com/watch?v=zDIVWemb93o
Of Water Lilies and Warm Hearts
http://WWW.youtube.Com/watch?v=zDIVWemb93o
Book Launch for Nan
I cried while watching this for the first several times, it resonated thru my soul....
Thank you Nan...
I cant get into my account to copy my script off of it so, this is going to have to do till I can re post...
Thanks for being my friends Carl & Nan...
hugs to you both :)
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Rosalea in Harper KS
HAPPY 2008 HOLIDAY NEWS FROM HARPER & THE BALMER FUND! *
Because I am out in the Kansas boondocks with only minimal help, you may
be inadvertently receiving this email. If so, we apologize. Simply write
QUIT in the subject box and return it to us and your name will be removed.
For the rest of you who wait with baited breath about every new soap
opera escapade from the City of Harper, Kansas: Suicide Town, we want to
report that the Harper City Council successfully demolished our
beautiful historic Buckeye this fall, despite our Injunction that was
overthrown by a telephone “court” held by the Judge, the City Attorney
and our own Attorney. Stay tuned in 2009 for what may be the thrill of
your life as we gather our wits and raise funds for a high powered
attorney, and sue the hell out of the City of Harper. It is long over
do. And with luck, some of it may spill over to the same type
shenanigans from Anthony City Commission who also illegally destroyed
our historic King Parrot Warehouse last year.
We have been told that there are investigations going on by “powers
above.” If that is the case, you won’t want to miss a thing. Our own
Reality Show right here in Harper County Kansas America! Does anyone
else smell a forty year criminal conspiracy to destroy Rosalea?
We have been posting more YouTubes. Remember, we are a motley
crew….Loren is 85 and forgets to turn the sound on sometimes and can’t
cut out the wind noise, Ralph is 69 and can’t remember his last name,
and I am Rosalea who Ain’t Dead Yet! Please pass on this email to five
of your friends. We want the world to know about Suicide Town so
everyone can get the thrill of watching a small Kansas town
self-destruct right before their very eyes. It’s not what we want but it
is obviously what the people choose by who they elect to power. Soon
Harper will be no more unless you take action now! Move over, Greensburg!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWc0OqtiB0E Harper, Kansas Suicide Town #1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8mgNcLzPhk Harper, Kansas Suicide Town
#2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11UtIl1UfEU Harper, Kansas Suicide
Town #3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IG01sVj_vUY Bugabully Day
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uP_PzpYqOpk Harper Suicide Town #4*
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2U79iw8fyw Harper Suicide Town #5*
Don’t miss a thing. Subscribe today to our monthly Prairie Connection
for only $24 (your own or gift)….…..and add any new subscribers for only
half price….$12 each. Oklahoma and Kansas Libraries and senior centers
would enjoy copies. It is a 24 page tab, grassroots, all volunteer,
provocative and entertaining, ten issues a year.
It’s going to be a rough go for The Balmer Fund, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit,
in the tough economic time ahead. We are Survivors but with your minimal
help, we can make it! Your tax deductible gift can be directed in any
way you chose…for The Balmer Fund General Fund, Prairie Arts Theatre
roof (goal: $30,000) or for the Balmer Fund Legal Defense Fund (goal:
$20,000). Just send us an email to let us know your choice, and then use
our PayPal account found at: www.prairieconnect.com
contributions to: The Balmer Fund/Prairie Connection, 121 West Main,
Harper, KS 67058 Your support is greatly appreciated. With your help, we
will survive and clean up this decades of hate and vindictiveness.
Come enjoy the Holidays in one of our local vacant lots! I will be happy
to give you a personal guided tour and I will throw in 40 years of
chronic vandalism as a bonus!
Rosalea Hostetler, President & Survivor
The Balmer Fund
“Preserving the history, art & culture of the prairies for future
generations”
Because I am out in the Kansas boondocks with only minimal help, you may
be inadvertently receiving this email. If so, we apologize. Simply write
QUIT in the subject box and return it to us and your name will be removed.
For the rest of you who wait with baited breath about every new soap
opera escapade from the City of Harper, Kansas: Suicide Town, we want to
report that the Harper City Council successfully demolished our
beautiful historic Buckeye this fall, despite our Injunction that was
overthrown by a telephone “court” held by the Judge, the City Attorney
and our own Attorney. Stay tuned in 2009 for what may be the thrill of
your life as we gather our wits and raise funds for a high powered
attorney, and sue the hell out of the City of Harper. It is long over
do. And with luck, some of it may spill over to the same type
shenanigans from Anthony City Commission who also illegally destroyed
our historic King Parrot Warehouse last year.
We have been told that there are investigations going on by “powers
above.” If that is the case, you won’t want to miss a thing. Our own
Reality Show right here in Harper County Kansas America! Does anyone
else smell a forty year criminal conspiracy to destroy Rosalea?
We have been posting more YouTubes. Remember, we are a motley
crew….Loren is 85 and forgets to turn the sound on sometimes and can’t
cut out the wind noise, Ralph is 69 and can’t remember his last name,
and I am Rosalea who Ain’t Dead Yet! Please pass on this email to five
of your friends. We want the world to know about Suicide Town so
everyone can get the thrill of watching a small Kansas town
self-destruct right before their very eyes. It’s not what we want but it
is obviously what the people choose by who they elect to power. Soon
Harper will be no more unless you take action now! Move over, Greensburg!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWc0OqtiB0E Harper, Kansas Suicide Town #1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8mgNcLzPhk Harper, Kansas Suicide Town
#2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11UtIl1UfEU Harper, Kansas Suicide
Town #3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IG01sVj_vUY Bugabully Day
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uP_PzpYqOpk Harper Suicide Town #4*
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2U79iw8fyw Harper Suicide Town #5*
Don’t miss a thing. Subscribe today to our monthly Prairie Connection
for only $24 (your own or gift)….…..and add any new subscribers for only
half price….$12 each. Oklahoma and Kansas Libraries and senior centers
would enjoy copies. It is a 24 page tab, grassroots, all volunteer,
provocative and entertaining, ten issues a year.
It’s going to be a rough go for The Balmer Fund, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit,
in the tough economic time ahead. We are Survivors but with your minimal
help, we can make it! Your tax deductible gift can be directed in any
way you chose…for The Balmer Fund General Fund, Prairie Arts Theatre
roof (goal: $30,000) or for the Balmer Fund Legal Defense Fund (goal:
$20,000). Just send us an email to let us know your choice, and then use
our PayPal account found at: www.prairieconnect.com
contributions to: The Balmer Fund/Prairie Connection, 121 West Main,
Harper, KS 67058 Your support is greatly appreciated. With your help, we
will survive and clean up this decades of hate and vindictiveness.
Come enjoy the Holidays in one of our local vacant lots! I will be happy
to give you a personal guided tour and I will throw in 40 years of
chronic vandalism as a bonus!
Rosalea Hostetler, President & Survivor
The Balmer Fund
“Preserving the history, art & culture of the prairies for future
generations”
Monday, November 10, 2008
great place to meet others OUR age :)
this is a great place to meet people over 40!
The first few weeks were frustrating, and left me crying many times after visiting.
So many people with the same situations. It was like heaven finding others in the same boat.
I hope you will check it out and send me a note :)
TuesdaysRuby!!
The first few weeks were frustrating, and left me crying many times after visiting.
So many people with the same situations. It was like heaven finding others in the same boat.
I hope you will check it out and send me a note :)
TuesdaysRuby!!
Sunday, November 02, 2008
New pages, new time, new......
Ok, I am now, done with my past, or so I hope....and time to move on
and let go, renew, re-
Knowing that life is short, and I have less and less time to move forward, why would I want to stay stuck in my past muck, and mire...get out of the quick sand and step forward.
For years I have had inner feelings of something other than what I have been taught here, trying so hard to fit in, trying to figure out why what "they" said didnt make sence, it wasnt fiting together....
but, I kept with it, I kept trying to put the pieces together.
It started years ago reading the rags from the grocery store, you know the ones. The sensatinalism, the national inquirer, those types...
the ones that people laugh at you if you buyinto the stories...
That is what "they" want you to believe....
For years, I had done my own searches, my own researches...
and its all coming together...
laugh at me all you want, but, it is finally starting to make sense..
I will be adding websites stating such.
Follow along, or dump me on the side of the web, its ok, I'm used to being out here alone...
But here today, I am making a pack with myself not to go back to the old belief and the old lies and the old crap that has been force fed us by the centuries old "ones in charge".....
I have chosen to move on and find my path with out them...
There is something big happening, and I want to be a part of it. A spiritual awakening of such magnitude and I want to be right smack dab in the middle of it. I can only hope and pray the old falls off, and new grows vibrantly full of color and love.
Now, if someone could just tell me how to dejunk my house of all the negative furniture that has built up from dead family members.....sigh...
and let go, renew, re-
Knowing that life is short, and I have less and less time to move forward, why would I want to stay stuck in my past muck, and mire...get out of the quick sand and step forward.
For years I have had inner feelings of something other than what I have been taught here, trying so hard to fit in, trying to figure out why what "they" said didnt make sence, it wasnt fiting together....
but, I kept with it, I kept trying to put the pieces together.
It started years ago reading the rags from the grocery store, you know the ones. The sensatinalism, the national inquirer, those types...
the ones that people laugh at you if you buyinto the stories...
That is what "they" want you to believe....
For years, I had done my own searches, my own researches...
and its all coming together...
laugh at me all you want, but, it is finally starting to make sense..
I will be adding websites stating such.
Follow along, or dump me on the side of the web, its ok, I'm used to being out here alone...
But here today, I am making a pack with myself not to go back to the old belief and the old lies and the old crap that has been force fed us by the centuries old "ones in charge".....
I have chosen to move on and find my path with out them...
There is something big happening, and I want to be a part of it. A spiritual awakening of such magnitude and I want to be right smack dab in the middle of it. I can only hope and pray the old falls off, and new grows vibrantly full of color and love.
Now, if someone could just tell me how to dejunk my house of all the negative furniture that has built up from dead family members.....sigh...
Sunday, August 03, 2008
the ho in town
Im sure by now my neighbors think of me as a real ho, when I moved in with my business partner, "house mate" and with him not being my husband but a business partner and sleeping in his own room.
KNowing that this is a very moral, Christian town, I am truly surprised that anyone has even spoken to me moving back unmarried, livin with the ole partner...drunken partner at that...
My relatives have never been real close since my childhood. I had my favorite cousins, the ones who were closest to my age, but once we all got married and had families, we have drifted apart. So many things have happened during those years, so many heart breaks, looses, and joys unshared....we barely know each other anylonger.
Working jobs that required me to work weekends over the past 30 years has also kept me from having a lot of friendships, other than a few people met at churches, but now treat me like an aquaintence more than anything else.
My children were raised by my ex, and myself with shared custody, but, "dad" got to take the kids on vacations, and do the fun stuff together because he had the money. I worked 15 hours a day to keep bread on the tables....so there was little time to go do the fun stuff.....and...at that time i was married to an alcoholic who, never wanted to do the fun stuff wth us....so, most probably i opted to work so i had another excuse not to go?
None the less, my kids dont have alot to do with me. My son lives in Colorado, and has not been home for 3 years, and he rarely calls. My birthday in July was the last time he called me. I have called him 3 times, but trying to not call him today. My daughter lives 21 minutes away, and is too busy to even call.
She is on the outs with me right now anyway because I dont live the good christian life that she thinks i should. Im the one who drove her to church every Sunday, not wanting to go, but I was demanding of her to go.
and, now, I have failed in her eyes because I have choosen to live with my partner, and be unmarried. (more on this later)
During the time of our BBQ buisness being up and running, we were working 7 days a week, and trying to keep things afloat. His mentally ill brother came to stay with us, so, then, here I was living with two men in my home, in none sexual relationships...does that make me a bad person?
Now, 3 years later, I find myself, no longer living with my partner and his brother, partner left to go live in a homeless shelter with a year long program for addicts, giving them an 87% chance of recovery. That is so much more than the 10% chance of recover that most multi thousand dollar "recovery centers" give a person.
His brother finally got on medication and is living on his own. To which I am very thankful for both men to be doing what they need to be doing instead of living off of me.
3 months before the partner took off for washington, in walks my Ex. Someone whom I have loved with all my heart for so long, but life took us in different directions and I had to take a different direction 10 years ago. We were broght back together by circumstances I could have never arranged. And, right at the time that my partner decided to make the move to Washington, so it was not like i kicked him out to get my ex in.
The first two months were hell. He could not accept having another man living in the house, and even tho we-partner and myself tried to make him feel as comfortable as we could. He was gone alot of the time spending time with his old drug buddies in the big city, then come home in a terrible mood. It would take him 3-4 days to become human again, and he would go back and it would start all over again.....the third month, toward the end of the month, my partner left for his journey to Washington state.
Enter the 4th month of living together again for the first time in 10 years ...Wen he first walked back into my life after 5 years of divorce, I could not believe how wonderful it was to have him back in my life, I had forgotten what it felt like to be held by him he hugged me when e walked into the door, and OMG, I melted again. IT was like we had first met. The electric spark was so strong I wanted to push him to the floor and pull off his clothes and have wild wonderful sex right there with him. But...my daughter, son-inlaw, granddaughter and house parter and his brother were all sitting at the table, so, figured it might not be a good idea!
Living with that reminder.....house mate and I had tried to have sex a few times but it just was nothing there, no spark what so ever...so, neither of us could bring ourselves to even try again. So, it was a life with a man with out sex. Those feelings were gone, for what I thought forever.
Oh it felt like an explosion to feel "turned on" again!!!!!
So, now backing up a bit, to have my ex back ino my life now, knowing that the old "spark" is still there....I knew, I was doomed....to live a life with no sex, and no physical action as long as I was with my partner.
Did, in fact...I create what happened next?
KNowing that this is a very moral, Christian town, I am truly surprised that anyone has even spoken to me moving back unmarried, livin with the ole partner...drunken partner at that...
My relatives have never been real close since my childhood. I had my favorite cousins, the ones who were closest to my age, but once we all got married and had families, we have drifted apart. So many things have happened during those years, so many heart breaks, looses, and joys unshared....we barely know each other anylonger.
Working jobs that required me to work weekends over the past 30 years has also kept me from having a lot of friendships, other than a few people met at churches, but now treat me like an aquaintence more than anything else.
My children were raised by my ex, and myself with shared custody, but, "dad" got to take the kids on vacations, and do the fun stuff together because he had the money. I worked 15 hours a day to keep bread on the tables....so there was little time to go do the fun stuff.....and...at that time i was married to an alcoholic who, never wanted to do the fun stuff wth us....so, most probably i opted to work so i had another excuse not to go?
None the less, my kids dont have alot to do with me. My son lives in Colorado, and has not been home for 3 years, and he rarely calls. My birthday in July was the last time he called me. I have called him 3 times, but trying to not call him today. My daughter lives 21 minutes away, and is too busy to even call.
She is on the outs with me right now anyway because I dont live the good christian life that she thinks i should. Im the one who drove her to church every Sunday, not wanting to go, but I was demanding of her to go.
and, now, I have failed in her eyes because I have choosen to live with my partner, and be unmarried. (more on this later)
During the time of our BBQ buisness being up and running, we were working 7 days a week, and trying to keep things afloat. His mentally ill brother came to stay with us, so, then, here I was living with two men in my home, in none sexual relationships...does that make me a bad person?
Now, 3 years later, I find myself, no longer living with my partner and his brother, partner left to go live in a homeless shelter with a year long program for addicts, giving them an 87% chance of recovery. That is so much more than the 10% chance of recover that most multi thousand dollar "recovery centers" give a person.
His brother finally got on medication and is living on his own. To which I am very thankful for both men to be doing what they need to be doing instead of living off of me.
3 months before the partner took off for washington, in walks my Ex. Someone whom I have loved with all my heart for so long, but life took us in different directions and I had to take a different direction 10 years ago. We were broght back together by circumstances I could have never arranged. And, right at the time that my partner decided to make the move to Washington, so it was not like i kicked him out to get my ex in.
The first two months were hell. He could not accept having another man living in the house, and even tho we-partner and myself tried to make him feel as comfortable as we could. He was gone alot of the time spending time with his old drug buddies in the big city, then come home in a terrible mood. It would take him 3-4 days to become human again, and he would go back and it would start all over again.....the third month, toward the end of the month, my partner left for his journey to Washington state.
Enter the 4th month of living together again for the first time in 10 years ...Wen he first walked back into my life after 5 years of divorce, I could not believe how wonderful it was to have him back in my life, I had forgotten what it felt like to be held by him he hugged me when e walked into the door, and OMG, I melted again. IT was like we had first met. The electric spark was so strong I wanted to push him to the floor and pull off his clothes and have wild wonderful sex right there with him. But...my daughter, son-inlaw, granddaughter and house parter and his brother were all sitting at the table, so, figured it might not be a good idea!
Living with that reminder.....house mate and I had tried to have sex a few times but it just was nothing there, no spark what so ever...so, neither of us could bring ourselves to even try again. So, it was a life with a man with out sex. Those feelings were gone, for what I thought forever.
Oh it felt like an explosion to feel "turned on" again!!!!!
So, now backing up a bit, to have my ex back ino my life now, knowing that the old "spark" is still there....I knew, I was doomed....to live a life with no sex, and no physical action as long as I was with my partner.
Did, in fact...I create what happened next?
Sunday, July 20, 2008
What is the meaning of it .....life....why....how...when....
How is it that life just seems to be....
nothing less, nothing more...
does anyone else feel as tho their life has been meaningless, and empty?
I have tried to live a purpose filled life, but.... forgive me Lord, for I cannot see....
forgive me Lord, for I cannot hear...
Having my ex come back into my life after a 10 year vacation from each other was/has been a wonderful experience...but...what is the purpose?
What is the meaning of it all?
My partner of 7 1/2 years, left to go to Washington State to get into a year long program for addicts, and the weekend before he was to be entered into the program his sister is killed in a motorcycle accident...what is the purpose of it....
what is the reason for living...
why...do we have to have so many bad things happen....
what is all of the chaos in our life all about?
I came to bring peace, and love and acceptance, but have only seen pain, missery and ......
Days go by so fast, from one paycheck to the next, never getting any further ahead... never finding a way out of the town i grew up in. Never seeing the dreams or hopes fullfilled..
People like Oprah say we make our own destiny...that is full BULLSHIT...
Would someone please tell me...why...how...when....
I have always believed in the reasoning things happen for a reason, God has a plan, life has meaning, but the older i get the less i can hang on to those believes....and, it saddens me to think perhaps, its just all bogus...
one big lie?
Have I lived a lie all my life
full of deceptions and fake meanings...?
is anyone out there?
oh how i wish, i could make contact....
im so tired of feeling like an alien...
nothing less, nothing more...
does anyone else feel as tho their life has been meaningless, and empty?
I have tried to live a purpose filled life, but.... forgive me Lord, for I cannot see....
forgive me Lord, for I cannot hear...
Having my ex come back into my life after a 10 year vacation from each other was/has been a wonderful experience...but...what is the purpose?
What is the meaning of it all?
My partner of 7 1/2 years, left to go to Washington State to get into a year long program for addicts, and the weekend before he was to be entered into the program his sister is killed in a motorcycle accident...what is the purpose of it....
what is the reason for living...
why...do we have to have so many bad things happen....
what is all of the chaos in our life all about?
I came to bring peace, and love and acceptance, but have only seen pain, missery and ......
Days go by so fast, from one paycheck to the next, never getting any further ahead... never finding a way out of the town i grew up in. Never seeing the dreams or hopes fullfilled..
People like Oprah say we make our own destiny...that is full BULLSHIT...
Would someone please tell me...why...how...when....
I have always believed in the reasoning things happen for a reason, God has a plan, life has meaning, but the older i get the less i can hang on to those believes....and, it saddens me to think perhaps, its just all bogus...
one big lie?
Have I lived a lie all my life
full of deceptions and fake meanings...?
is anyone out there?
oh how i wish, i could make contact....
im so tired of feeling like an alien...
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