10 year death.......is there life again?

ok, life has seemed to illude me,
im not sure how it happened, but loosing my buisnesses, my inlaws, my love, but the one thing that i have lost in life that i cannot live without...is passion...


without passion, there is nothing to live for....
im not suicidal, im just not knowing how to do this thing they call life.....

everyone aroundme has hard times, lots of losses, but they keep going with a smile on their face....
I have been putting on a happy face for 10 years....
and cant seem to get thru it

Blogging hasnt helped there is no feed back, but, it does help me journal my distractions in life the things i have taken interest in...nothing...my feelings
pages over pages of hurt the same pain over and over

the desire to find others who are like minded
who are hurting, and finding ways out of the muk
and puke

Alcoholics have each other

over eaters have each other

only when we find each other

an alien i am
alienated from others by my spirit
my depression
my negativity
my hurt
my pain
my desire to be accepted as i am

i dont even like who i am so why should anyone like me?

Loosing

for 40+ years I have been over weight
trying to find happiness
following the American dream
thinking as a teenager Marriage was going to bring all my dreams come true

but wait....what was my dream?

to have a nice home, loving husband, and beautiful children....

damn, where did it all go wrong......