The move to florida was uneventfull, well, mostly.
We were to meet up with my two sisters, one from Texas, one from Muskogee, we ended up being late, and barely having time to meet up with Dinkie, from Texas.
We had a snack with her and Geo, met my nephew Tony, and, left with in an hour. We did not have time to go see if we could find Lou in Muskogee.
We drove on to Arkansas, had a great time with my friend Cyn, wish I lived there, I miss her so much. We had a toke, laughed till we cried, and left two days later.
Missouri bound, to see another sister, Annie, supposed to stay 2 days,but her constant chatter drove me to leave after 1 day. We were to go on to Tennessee and stay two weeks with Robs brother helping them with their house, but, seeing the caos, the total mess they lived in, leaving the mess we lived in, there was no way in hell we were going to stay long, we left in 2 hours!
driving on to a roadside motel, we checked in, Rob went out to see what some noices were, the lady at the office called asking if he had seen anything, telling us to keep our eyes open for theft going on, boy that gave a good nights sleep setting!
We got up and left early in the morning!
MAking it thru Atlanta, 8 lanes of traffic, HATED IT the whole while.
Drove to Dawlton Georgia, rented a room at Hotel 8, went to eat, got great service at a new mexican restraunt, then, went to get beer. Walked out, hit the key release, nothing happend, Rob tried to unlock with the key, and the alarm went off...sending the liqour store owner out to see what was going on. He ended up taking us to the Walmart to get some batteries.
He was so nice, so cute, and very intellegent. We got back in car, spent the night, and left.
Getting into Florida on Nov. what ever day it was.
It has been one day after another of nothing but shoping, driving, applying for jobs, and eating out, it is so boring here, I dont know if I can make it 6 months.
I dont dare say im bored, the last time I did that, I spent 10 years in Hell!!!!
What am I going to do...
I thought life sucked in Newton, why cant anything ever get better instead of worse.....
life sux then you die....
cant wait!
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
kansasgal2 (3:01:55 AM): oh darn your gonekansasgal2 (3:02:15 AM): im sorry i left the room awhile ago, rob was bugging me,and the only way i can have some peace is to walk away from him.kansasgal2 (3:02:34 AM): im rather worried how i will walk away from him when i live in a 12 x 40 trailerkansasgal2 (3:03:02 AM): you and i havent been able to talk for a long time, i dont know if you have read most of my emails. I hope your up to snuff on what is going on....kansasgal2 (3:04:57 AM): i also wanted to talk to you about the elections, we are with the british, the british took iraq, and put them into dictaorship, which caused them to go broke, and fall into the poverty they have lived in since ...sadam came and took it back from them, he gained back what was once iraq's the oil fields, and put the money back in their pockets...till the US came in and took Kuwait back....now....we are in the same boat as the british...kansasgal2 (3:05:59 AM): which candidate can see into the future by reading what the past is? for in how we handle it from now on out will be the deciding point....of.....to be continued may the best man WIN!!! OH WHAT A PRAYER< IM GOING NUTS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO TO VOTE FOR!!!!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
I didnt realize the Kennedy fortune was made on prohibition, he ran rum from canada !
Bernstein boys, other ideas where the purples should make their money, jewish mofia
in Detroit
1925/1932 unsolved murders most attributed to the purple gang
take over the river and control of alcohol from canada
1927, highth of their power, over half was brought in down the detroit river
sell most of their bootleg to Al Capone
he sets his sites on Detroit, opening up a franchise with the Bernstein boys,
they told him to get out of Detroit,
he knew a gang war was impossible, he made an allignment with the purple gang
Buggsy, Highjacks intended Capone whiskey. St Valentines day massicre, missed the target, Buggsy wasnt there, he didnt get killed...
Taken from the History channel, on bootlegging
Country was tired of prohibition
it wasnt working, more death in the streets, more war on streets than when people were able to drink!
soooo where does that take us for the war on drugs?
the killing in our streets because of drugs has created another impossible war to win.
and, look at the evidense, not the propaganda, what the government force fed the nation to believe it was the only way to get rid of drugs!
I find it interesting Kennedys fortune was made on illegal activity, then, it was ok?
Bernstein boys, other ideas where the purples should make their money, jewish mofia
in Detroit
1925/1932 unsolved murders most attributed to the purple gang
take over the river and control of alcohol from canada
1927, highth of their power, over half was brought in down the detroit river
sell most of their bootleg to Al Capone
he sets his sites on Detroit, opening up a franchise with the Bernstein boys,
they told him to get out of Detroit,
he knew a gang war was impossible, he made an allignment with the purple gang
Buggsy, Highjacks intended Capone whiskey. St Valentines day massicre, missed the target, Buggsy wasnt there, he didnt get killed...
Taken from the History channel, on bootlegging
Country was tired of prohibition
it wasnt working, more death in the streets, more war on streets than when people were able to drink!
soooo where does that take us for the war on drugs?
the killing in our streets because of drugs has created another impossible war to win.
and, look at the evidense, not the propaganda, what the government force fed the nation to believe it was the only way to get rid of drugs!
I find it interesting Kennedys fortune was made on illegal activity, then, it was ok?
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
the revolution
are we honest in life?
is our life built on truth, or, on lies...
can anyone know, during ones life who they are really bowing down to which GOD?
is our life built on truth, or, on lies...
can anyone know, during ones life who they are really bowing down to which GOD?
where i live
I have lived here since 1965, I have very few real friends, ones that can identify with my life, who can know the pain I live in everyday. Some, can try to talk to me, but when they hear of my pain, they are gone, never call me or reciprocate the invitations.
Alcohol seems to be a binder that brings women together, something in comon.
Those who need one another.
Children are a bond, that parents should have with their children.
As much as I love my daughter now,
I dont think we bonded, when my daughter was born, I wanted a son, I was so dissapointed when they told me the baby was a girl. I didnt nurse her, I watched her grow in my arms, but, not sure we bonded. I went forward when she was 6 weeks old, and cried out to God to give me the love and ability to raise her to be the wonderful young woman she is now, she is such a blessing. So adult, and so Christian, so, ............
I loved her, but, didnt know how to deal with the dissapointment.
When I was really small, I had good things happen to me, I was "special" I was given prizes at the Whitewater festival, and, I never knew why, all tho, I felt loved, and special.
Something happened, something during my 10 or 11 year and from there on out, my life changed. I was no longer special, but, cursed, given no choices always taken first thing that took on in my road, thinking, it was a gift given to me, and not checked out.
We were given the choice of the trailer house, kitchen....i didnt want to have to work that hard, and, have no guarentees of finding a living in that life style.
Every choice I have walked into was a choice of peace, a feeling that it was right, it had come up to me and I freely took it.
I freely accepted the responsibility of the work required, the little knowledge given on how to run my business, and very little advice from "friends, co workers, or even professionals, paid big bucks for "advice" no one could give me direction, no one would listen long enough to talk to me, or help me walk thro the direction I was being taken.
We were blessed, given a huge sum of money, and, it was taken away.....so fast.....
I take the turn, and, life changes, nothing goes as I had "expected" or, how, in my mind it made so much sense, and should have worked.
Like buying the Emu's, when we finally got set up, had all the dollars invested, the people who were supposed to be there to help us market, by teaching us, like the big guy south west of town, he got everyone excited about emu's about the wonderful things emu's brought into the owners lives, the pro's and con's, mostly telling the pro's, leaving out the con's.
We were taken for a ride, which left us broke, family distroyed, and divorced.
That was the begging of my end, or, was it the begging of the beginning :)
Leaving for Wichita took me on another adventure, I got a school loan, went to school to become a travel agent, the school was a sham, I didnt learn anything, and, I was not prepared for the job.
My first job was a small travel agency, and, the woman who hired me was a nice down to earth woman, who, I think I could have learned alot from. But, she was let go, and, another manager was brought in who was a small, young, executive agent, who demanded experience, and professionalism which I hadnt learned yet.
I lasted 6 months. In between, while trying to do the job, my divorce went thru, I had ended my 13 1/2 year marrage and, received my freedom. I was a woman who could do anything, I had a career, I had a nice appartment, and I was free to do those things, to live the life I had always dreamed of....
Find a wonderful man, become a wonderful wife, and, have a wonderful home.
What I found, was finding that man isnt easy, in fact it is very diffciult, but, can be alot of fun, challenging, and, rewarding, and hell!!!!
I found myself, heart broken, by one of these "wonderful men" who walked into my life unannounced, mysterically, and, I became another one of his victims, someone who probably was not experienced for his divineer way of swooning me, who, gave me self worth the first time he looked at my eyes, and, the whole evening, something I had NEVER FELT IN MY LIFE....
HE hooked me into his web into his eyes, the first 15 minutes we were together, before the night was over, I was his prey.....
and he became my PRAY!
I lost every piece of my self, I was gone, I was invisible, I didnt exist anylonger, he was gone....
Alcohol seems to be a binder that brings women together, something in comon.
Those who need one another.
Children are a bond, that parents should have with their children.
As much as I love my daughter now,
I dont think we bonded, when my daughter was born, I wanted a son, I was so dissapointed when they told me the baby was a girl. I didnt nurse her, I watched her grow in my arms, but, not sure we bonded. I went forward when she was 6 weeks old, and cried out to God to give me the love and ability to raise her to be the wonderful young woman she is now, she is such a blessing. So adult, and so Christian, so, ............
I loved her, but, didnt know how to deal with the dissapointment.
When I was really small, I had good things happen to me, I was "special" I was given prizes at the Whitewater festival, and, I never knew why, all tho, I felt loved, and special.
Something happened, something during my 10 or 11 year and from there on out, my life changed. I was no longer special, but, cursed, given no choices always taken first thing that took on in my road, thinking, it was a gift given to me, and not checked out.
We were given the choice of the trailer house, kitchen....i didnt want to have to work that hard, and, have no guarentees of finding a living in that life style.
Every choice I have walked into was a choice of peace, a feeling that it was right, it had come up to me and I freely took it.
I freely accepted the responsibility of the work required, the little knowledge given on how to run my business, and very little advice from "friends, co workers, or even professionals, paid big bucks for "advice" no one could give me direction, no one would listen long enough to talk to me, or help me walk thro the direction I was being taken.
We were blessed, given a huge sum of money, and, it was taken away.....so fast.....
I take the turn, and, life changes, nothing goes as I had "expected" or, how, in my mind it made so much sense, and should have worked.
Like buying the Emu's, when we finally got set up, had all the dollars invested, the people who were supposed to be there to help us market, by teaching us, like the big guy south west of town, he got everyone excited about emu's about the wonderful things emu's brought into the owners lives, the pro's and con's, mostly telling the pro's, leaving out the con's.
We were taken for a ride, which left us broke, family distroyed, and divorced.
That was the begging of my end, or, was it the begging of the beginning :)
Leaving for Wichita took me on another adventure, I got a school loan, went to school to become a travel agent, the school was a sham, I didnt learn anything, and, I was not prepared for the job.
My first job was a small travel agency, and, the woman who hired me was a nice down to earth woman, who, I think I could have learned alot from. But, she was let go, and, another manager was brought in who was a small, young, executive agent, who demanded experience, and professionalism which I hadnt learned yet.
I lasted 6 months. In between, while trying to do the job, my divorce went thru, I had ended my 13 1/2 year marrage and, received my freedom. I was a woman who could do anything, I had a career, I had a nice appartment, and I was free to do those things, to live the life I had always dreamed of....
Find a wonderful man, become a wonderful wife, and, have a wonderful home.
What I found, was finding that man isnt easy, in fact it is very diffciult, but, can be alot of fun, challenging, and, rewarding, and hell!!!!
I found myself, heart broken, by one of these "wonderful men" who walked into my life unannounced, mysterically, and, I became another one of his victims, someone who probably was not experienced for his divineer way of swooning me, who, gave me self worth the first time he looked at my eyes, and, the whole evening, something I had NEVER FELT IN MY LIFE....
HE hooked me into his web into his eyes, the first 15 minutes we were together, before the night was over, I was his prey.....
and he became my PRAY!
I lost every piece of my self, I was gone, I was invisible, I didnt exist anylonger, he was gone....
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
my deep sorrow
Sorrow, faith, regret, lingering pain.....
The two people I look up to so highly, are going thru a desperate time of sorrow,
they have just lost another son, their family of 5 children is now, 3 living.
Jon died, 3 years ago, now, David died last week, after missing for 10 days they found his body, in a delapidated building, he collapsed, and died...
what did he die of?
They say he has been depressed, he has had a lot of rejections, his diabetis has kept him from living the life he had dreamed of. Did he kill himself? not, physically, they cant find any wounds or reasons....
did he die of a broken heart, of unfullfilled dreams?
I can understand how that can happen, I feel the same way, I just want to go off, alone, and die.......
The two people I look up to so highly, are going thru a desperate time of sorrow,
they have just lost another son, their family of 5 children is now, 3 living.
Jon died, 3 years ago, now, David died last week, after missing for 10 days they found his body, in a delapidated building, he collapsed, and died...
what did he die of?
They say he has been depressed, he has had a lot of rejections, his diabetis has kept him from living the life he had dreamed of. Did he kill himself? not, physically, they cant find any wounds or reasons....
did he die of a broken heart, of unfullfilled dreams?
I can understand how that can happen, I feel the same way, I just want to go off, alone, and die.......
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