the two Cyns

It was an exciting day of my life, 1996, I was on the trail of a new life, taking an 18 month class on Travel, and going to be a travel agent. woo-hoo....I sat at the back table since the only other table was up front and a guy was sitting at it.It was close to time for class to start and a tall woman walked up and asked if she could sit at my table, of course, have a seat.
Hi my name is Cynthia, well, hello, my name is Cynthia also, but my friends call me Cindy. As we chatted during the day, we found we had so much in common, both had daughters with the basic same name, both had the same last name at one time in life, she was born a Lowe, and I was married to a Lowe, here is the freaky part, her dad's name was Jack, and my father-in-law's name was Jack! So it was one of those doo-doo-doo times....That day we became the Two CYNS>>>CIN & CYN....We became good friends during the course of the class, we both ended up teaching the class more than the paid teachers! The school had teachers who wouldnt show up, and, IM STILL PAYING FOR THE DAMNED PLACE!!! We would sit at the back, had the best grades of the class, and, would laugh and joke the whole day, our one of many instructors would get so pissed, thinking we were laughing about her, when she was the furthest thing in our minds. She found the class boring and disillusioned of not being able to learn what she had come to learn. She quit after 4 months of it. I remember the day she quit, I sat and bawled my eyes out because my best friend was gone, and once again, I was alone. No one in that class even came close to being the kind of friend she had been, and, now she was gone. We stayed in touch, altho she lived 50 miles away, and, then, my divorce (at her encouragement) then she moved to another state 6 hours away, and, still, we kept in touch. Calling each other at least once a week, always having a good laugh, and, I thought, we were best of friends.
Over the past two years since my BBQ went bellyup, and, my life has fallen apart, she has insistently told me to get my partner out of my life, and, I insistently kept telling her, I couldnt, wouldnt, and had many reasons why I didn't. Over the past 6 months with it being the worst 6 months in my life emotionally and partner in and out of rehabs, she has pulled back. I havent talked to her but maybe 6 times which was another emotional detatchment. I have called her but she doesnt answer, and doesnt call back. I finally left a message and asked if we were no longer friends. Today I got a shock of my life.
I received an email from her, and, she is not wanting to continue the friendship, which truly hurts, and, I guess she says we have grown apart, and have different phylosophies. I dont know what that means, but, hopefully some day we will be able to sit down and talk about it. I grew up in a family that didnt talk things over, just got pissed at each other, then, didnt deal with it....and apparantly she did the same. I have grown and learned to talk about problems, but, apparenly she still doesnt....I miss her, terribly, and hope we can talk about it, and make things right....I am sorry for what I have done to cause her to back away...please know Im sorry!


Am I this fucking bad of a person? I have always tried to put other people first, i felt safe with them, only to find out, I wasnt safe with them....So, I pull back into my own world, and, keep pluggin on, allowing others to tell me by their actions Im not worthy of their friendship...I dont know how many times I have been in a group of people, start to talk abotu something, only to have someone butt in and take over the conversation, and, I listen to them, pour it out, then they go in their own direction...My partner might be the biggest drunk of my life and, maybe will never change (altho, for now he has sobered up once again) ....I really do miss my other bestest friend Cyn!