why is it so difficult to hook up with someone?

Miracles happen everyday so they say....
and to nice people who dont expect them
others who need them
and those who seem to expect it

what is the secret to "seeing them?"
I have had so many blessings in my life, and, I was so blind, and so stupid I didnt see them?

7th heaven....
then, ask to live....
i have never lived...
i have been afraid of life, taken steps to be independent and failed misserablly
and now with out money...lost..feeling totally a failure and unable to figure out how to make a living allone!
I cant kick him out, and, I dont have passion for him...
I love him, but not head over heals in love
I have had that kind of love...and its not there between us...
but, i have settled..and, he has settled somewhat, he still rebels with drinking too much once in a while, but nothign like it was last year.

so...am i fooling myself AGAIN?

how to proceed....