long time

Its been a long while since I had time to just sit and write.
It seems life keeps me busy, but, im not accomplishing anything!
I went to a program the other day given by a fellow highschool student. She was always the brains in the class, way above all of us other students. She is a Dr. of Divinity, music major, has written several books, travels to the Holy Lands, has worked on archilogical digs, song writer, and Professor at the local Bible College here in town. So much in her 53 years, and I have NOTHING TO SHOW for my labors.
That is enough to depress me big time!
All in the name of love have I stood by my men, until I couldnt stand anylonger, each time, giving up everything for my freedoms.
Now, here I sit once again, wating for my man to get grow his balls and GROW UP!
THEY DONT GROW UP, just grow OLD!

While he is in the state hospital trying to figure out what is wrong with him, I struggle to pay bills, and keep things afloat, I wish I had the chance to go to the hospital and find ME! But, floating thru life with no direction seems to be my way of life.

While he is gone, I should be able to have time for me, but, with trying to keep bills paid, I find myself busier than normal at work, and, had 17 hours over time, but, the church doesnt want to pay me over time, so, told me to take the days off!
WHAT A BUNCH OF BULL! I NEED THE DOLLARS! NOT THE TIME OFF, but, am trying to find the blessing in having the time off instead of the extra money!
One good thing came about, partner had taken on painting a house for a guy at the church, and, with his "dissapearing" to the hospital, his brother took over painting, but was doing a crappy job, so the guy didnt want to pay for the job, Partner told the guy he would make it right when he gets out, but that I needed the money to stay afloat. He evaded me daily, walked around the church as to not have to talk to me in the office, and I finally confronted him on his ignoring me and trying to not have to pay me, knowing I was depending on the money to come in. He stumbled a bit knowing he has been caught. We talked about the situation, and, I left it up to the Lord last night. This morning he showed up with the promised amount of $$, and told me he knew we would do the job when partner gets out of the hospital! I cried, feeling rather badly knowing he was paying for a job not well done! BUT we will make it right!

I will make it thru this, I just hope partner is capable of holding on to some of the gentleness and goodness God is showing him, and me!

I am going to the hospital tomorrow to see partner, I sure hope he has a spark of life in him, the last time I saw him he looked so hopeless.
He hasnt sounded too much better on the phone, but I do know they have been sending him to a lot of classes, such as anger management etc
He needs group support in child abuse issues, and, hopefully, he can learn to let it go, and move on...

It is easier to build a child, than to fix an adult....which is the scarey part, but, I am believing GOD CAN HEAL HIM!