Life in Kansasgals head

middle of the night intimacy was only there with one...

dream of returning to the past
fear of going back to same old behaviors

waking up facing the past

revolution of the mind.....

have to wake up, but yet this nitemare continues

cant grasp on to the merrygoround ring
keep missing it and getting thrown off....

falling out of life, every fall takes a tole on my body and soul
i keep trying to grab on and i keep falling off

The one I really wanted didnt want me, he walked outwithout saying goodbye, and I never heard from him again.....he tore my heart out, and left me along the road as road kill, to bleed todeath...

partner is gone again in treatment center, now, do i wait for him, hoping the changes will actually take place or is he hopeless, I just hate feeling hopeless for him....he is such a good person when he is sober, but.....can he change? or, am i alone the rest of my life?

My only dream was to be in love and loved....
I guess that is why I dont know what I want to be when I grow up because every time I have left a relationship, its starting over again, loosing all the dreams, and visions of my future, taking me down to the pits of hell, and not knowing how to rise up on my own instead of having another man in my life....
I hopelessly believe in soul mates
and i believe our souls travel searching for that soul
sometimes it is fluttered by a second of recognation, but, until it is truly touched by the other soul, it cant be connected
When that love fleets away our heart is broken, shattered, takes a long time putting it back together....
WHAT IS HAPPINESS ?
being here with you.....The one who is love....who can love....who does love...

memories of the fall, faces from the past
who was the love from the past...?
subconscious thing, treated women carelessly, here today gone tomorrow, never seen again....life moved on but yet my heart lingers for his touch, his look, his gentleness....

then partner came into my life, became like family to me, i dont want to give up on him, i need an answer, i need more...i am loosing hope, and dont like that feeling..
you tell me you want to have a future with me but your actions dont show it...I cant keep going like this...