ok so I said I was done, but....

I guess my blog is about the only way to really express myself, and, after learning the news of my sister being on deaths door with cancer, I will most probably HAVE to have this place to vent.

It makes me so sad, she and I most probably could have been really close, but, for what ever reason, when we sstarted writing, we would carry it so far, and, then, life would get in the way and it would be years before I would hear frm her again.
She had such a difficult life, being sent off to live with the French woman then, their Uncle Frank who beat them, and, then took them to the orphanage. She had told me she was sexually abused in the orphanage which is why she would never allow her downs syndrome daughter to go to school, or put in a home. She left the orphanage when she was 18, and, met up with a guy who she had a son with, I dont know what happened to their relationship but I know she ended up nesting up with some old man who took her back and forth to California year after year. She never had much, she lived out of the car most of the time, bringing what she could back from California to start over every year. My brother who used to be the only one who didnt have a family to keephimself tied down, would go to Muskogee to check on her quite often, he always knew she would live in the same neighborhood when she came back from California, she never went far. If there was an old beat up car in the yard, he knew where to find her.

Now she is dying, and, I cant go to her.....being alone when I die....is what i fear most, and I cant go to her....I dont even know how I am going to pay this next months bills let alone find money to go to OKC to the hospital to see her.
I HATE BEING POOR! I never ever thougth I would end up in this posititon in my life, how in the hell did it all happen, I just wish someone could explain to me why things have happened the way they have. But, no one can...there are no answers...