Which will it be, my life is taking a turn again, one that will totally change everything, my location, my belongings, my finances, my climate, every bit of me will be changed, except inside....and at 52, i still dont know who i am, or why im here.
My life has been so fucked up for so long, I dont even know where I am most of the time, let alone why im there!
I try to be aware of my surroundings of people around me, and how I can make a difference in their life, but, I have been hurt so many times, and let down by others, it is difficult for me to reach out anylonger.
Everytime I try, there is a road block, the phone is busy, or, they dont have time for me.
Even the minister, whom I tried to talk to didnt have time to talk, where do i fit in?
How do i find help, or even be able to help those around me when im such a fucked up mess?
Writing my thoughts here is about as much as I can get from anyone...dead silence.
I need to find some answers but where do i look?
How do I find those inner most thoughts that will guide me in the right direction?
I do not exist, I do not mean anything to anyone, except maybe my kids, and hopefully my partner, but, since he is drunk 98% of the time, I dont even know where I stand with him.
How do people have lives that work for them?
I have been a slave to my life, and it hasnt worked, everything i have done has failed.
Except, my kids, they are both great, and doing great!
Nurse and a plumber, and a granddaughter!
oh, life goes on, or does it....everyone walks around like they are dead because they are afraid to walk forward, afraid to live....when we allow morality to drown life, we leave alot unlived.....i want to LIVE...im so tired of walking around in the land of the living dead!
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