vacation?

I just came home from vacation with my daughter, and grandchild.
Isnt a vacation supposed to give you relaxation, and, rest?
How can one get those two things when all they get off in 4 years is 2 days off work!

I cant do this much longer, and, I dont know how to get out of the hell I am in.
I have tried to talk to people, ask for their advice, nothing ever changes, no one can give me any advice. Their advice are things that I have already tried, and already have failed at, nothing works to build my business. The business, that should have been the biggest success in Newton!

I have failed once again in the eyes of friends, and family.
I have tried so many businesses, and nothing ever flies!

I had a business in 1976, and it should have worked, but, people chose to come in, get ideas for their crafts, and then walk out and make the item themselve, and not support my business to keep me in business. Then, in 1977, I lost my lease, to one of the bigger stores in town, they rented my building from under me. I was just starting to make a profit, and, then I had to move again. Two blocks off of main street. I had to advertise three times more than ever, and, buisness fell of 50%. I would see people in the grocery store or somewhere in town, and they would ask, what happened to my store, why did i move off of main, and where did I move?
After explaining the situation to them, asking to to come look me up, then on Broadway, the support didnt follow. With in 6 months, I had to close, broke, and in debt.
Little did I know, that, with in 1 week of closing, my whole life would change, and, I would loose 4 people in my husbands family.

Life, as I knew it, being accepted by people who knew nothing about me, they loved me and accepted me, and, they were taken away, in an instant, killed by a semi driver, who failed to stop at a construction sight, killing 4 people in our family, mom, dad, two sisters. Four people who had wonderful lives, and projects going in life, taken away from many people who loved them very much.
AND NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THEM>>>>my kids know very little about their grandparents, and two aunts, because they are mentioned so few times. It has been so painfull to talk, that the children never got to know them......how sad.....

MY buisness closed, I lost my family, and, the death of life as I knew it, once again....

My first rejection came with my adoption, I mentioned that earlier in the first few pages.
Being rejected by my own mother, for, another man, an already messed up life, she knew having me in her life would cause nothing but more problems, and, wanted more for me.

I know in my heart she did what she felt was the best thing at that time.
I know some how she knew my adoptive mother, but, no one will admit that.
No one will allow me to know anything about before I was born. The stories I have been given nothing matched, no two stories were the same.

I have had so many stories told to me, by so many "biological" uncles, and aunts. Who do I believe? They are all gone now, not one of them is alive, but, the youngest, and, she is a hypocondriac who doesnt remember anything about my mothers life because she was in California at the time, where my mother went, to visit..with her husband, and my two youngest siblings. I think for the first time in her life she was happy, and, her life was cut short at 35.
Leaving 4 or 5 older siblings, orphaned, beaten, molested, put in foster care, orphanages.

And, TWO younger siblings left with their father, who, after a year or two, found he couldnt deal with having two young children, and, gave my sister up for adoption, then, lost his son to srs, when his wives abused Micheal.
Child abuse, once again, changed lives in my family, I was not abused, physically, but my life has been so screwed up, why cant I get into my life and know what the fuck is going on?

We, all siblings have finally found each other, we all had different lifestyles,
we all have different outcomes in our life, but, all have been so fucked up!